Welcome, 

   and thanks for showing up

You've been given the unique opportunity to show up as an ally for someone in your life who has experienced trauma. It's both an honor and a privilege. 

You'll be joining an ongoing conversation that they've been having with other survivors:  acknowledging trauma, exchanging  wisdom and designing justice. 

But it's not just survivors that should have an ear in this room. As members of the human community, we all have a stake in responding to and preventing intimate violence and harm. 

The conversation you'll be joining on November 17th is a chance to do just that: join the dialogue, ask questions, and learn how to help. 

On this page you'll find resources to get you ready. Please review all the materials here so we're all on the same page on Tuesday morning. You'll find a general overview of what Consentric Circle conversations are all about, the structure of the conversation we have planned, our community norms and verbal practices, further learning resources and contact information to help you answer any questions that come up. 

We are so excited to sit together, deepen our connections, enrich our understandings, and work together to design solutions. 

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OK, LEt's start with the basics

When and where?

November 17, 2020 at 10am-12pm PST

  • Technology Log In & Check-In : 9:45am

  • Kick-off Convo: 10am


The conversation is hosted through the online platform Zoom, and the link will be made available to registered allies a few days before the session.

You will be given access to call in from a landline or mobile device, or you can use the Zoom app on your mobile device or on a computer.

How long is the conversation?

 

 

The conversation will last 2 hours, with some breaks to take a breather throughout.

It may sound long, but you'll find it goes by more quickly than you'd like.

Who all will be there?

 

There will be 4 facilitators, 2 from the Consentric Circle Conversation team and 2 from Dove House Advocacy Services. They will take on the roles of facilitators, chat moderators, and mental health supporters, as well as participants, some of whom identify as survivors themselves and will have their own allies in the room.


In addition to the facilitators, between 2-5 survivor participants will be centered in the conversation, and will be joined, on a voluntary basis, by their allies. 

What's expected of me as an ally?

 

As a group, we have defined and nurtured a safe and effective space for having a difficult conversation. In joining that space, we ask that you review and respect the CONVERSATION PRACTICES + COMMUNITY NORMS document.

Allies will have the opportunity to listen to survivor experience, impact and wisdom, and hear the powerful truths that their community members share with them. You’ll have a chance to reflect, ask questions, and ultimately, collaboratively discuss what kinds of responses and systems could exist to better help survivors.

what is okay to do and say?

 

 

 

All participants are encouraged to validate and acknowledge what they are hearing with their body language and words, take notes for themselves on what surprises or moves them, communicate their questions to further their understanding and honor and cultivate the authenticity and vulnerability in the room. Participants are encouraged to embrace words and tones that support, care for and empathize.

WHAT is NOT OK to do and say?

During Ally engagement, participants may not: ask intimate details about harm that was referenced in the conversation, or use words or tones that blame, shame, doubt, judge or criticize survivors or their behavior. When moments occur where myths, misunderstandings, or untrue and potentially harmful statements or questions arise, the moderator may call that in or refer to it as a resource moment. We will make a note to address this content later on with greater depth and intention, or apply further educational resources outside of the session. If something arises that is particularly dangerous, aggressive or inappropriate, the moderator may mute or remove a participant from the space, though this is extremely rare.

what if I don't want to talk, or know what to say? 

 

 

All participants always have the choice to participate in ways that are most comfortable for them. You always have the choice to speak, and the choice to pass. You can turn off your video or mute yourself as needed throughout. You can type responses in the chat if you’d rather not say them aloud. You can express your validation and acknowledgement through the reactions button, or with your hands or facial expressions. For the Allies in the room, a gentle reminder that while we recognize that these conversations may feel uncomfortable, and you may not always know what to say, living with the reality of trauma is even more so. Silence can be a form of privilege, and hurtful to survivors who may have been silenced, shamed or not supported as a result of their experiences. Sometimes the simplest phrases can be the most impactful and healing. Take a breath, tap into your soft spaces and find the words. We'll help you. 

now for some specifics. how is the conversation going to be structured?

We want to give everyone a chance to share, and we'll take turns intentionally to do so.

 

We recognize an existing power dynamic that we are attempting to correct for. Often when survivors share their stories, those listening jump to advice and action, independent of the survivor and without understanding or consent. For many this can be overwhelming, and can inhibit further discourse.

 

So to account for this cultural tendency, we like to put in place a structure that centers survivors, emphasizes listening, validation and acknowledgement, and allots specific time for ally engagement.

still have Questions?

Of course you do.

One of our facilitators will get back to you asap.

READY TO REGISTER?

 

just answer a couple questions and then we can send you your zoom link to join the conversation

RESOURCES

These conversations have been taking place over the last 14 weeks. We've discussed how trauma impacted our brains and bodies, what kind of responses we encountered when we disclosed to friends, family, coworkers and community members, and what it was like for us attempting to pursue the available options for healing and justice. 

Week to week, we gathered and shared resources for further learning and consideration. You can explore those resources too, before and after the conversation, to better your wisdom and allyship.

  • Healing + Justice

    Audio

    unladylike - Episode 94: How to Abolish Prison Like a Feminist (1 of 2)

  • Healing + Justice

    Audio

    unladylike - Episode 95: How to Do #MeToo Without Prisons (2 of 2)

  • Healing + Justice

    Research

    Sexual Offender Laws and Prevention of Sexual Violence or Recidivism

  • Healing + Justice

    Article

    The Future of Healing: Shifting From Trauma Informed Care to Healing Centered Engagement

  • Healing + Justice

    Article

    Why the sex offender registry isn’t the right way to punish rapists

  • Healing + Justice

    Article

    Why inclusion should be a top priority during crisis?

  • Healing + Justice

    Book

    The Little Book of Racial Healing: Coming to the Table for Truth-Telling, Liberation, and Transformation, Thomas Norman DeWolf, Jodie Geddes

  • Healing + Justice

    Book

    The Little Book of Race and Restorative Justice: Black Lives, Healing, and US Social Transformation, Fania E. Davis

  • Healing + Justice

    Book

    It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle - *Disclaimer - I have not read this one, but it has been recommended by others

  • Healing + Justice

    Video

    Survivor's Agenda: A Call to Action

  • Healing + Justice

    Video

  • Healing + Justice

    Video

    The Urgency of Intersectionality, Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw (Ted Talk)

  • Healing + Justice

    Video

    A prosecutor's vision for a better justice system, Adam Foss (Ted Talk)

  • Healing + Justice

    Video

    The danger of a single story, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (Ted Talk)

  • Healing + Justice

    Tools

    dive in well -

  • Healing + Justice

    Tools

    bloom - Bloom is a free, web-based support service run by Chayn. Designed for anyone who is currently experiencing or has experienced domestic and sexual abuse, support is offered via 5 courses. Each one offers tailored tips, tricks, tools, and comforting words to our community. Working through a course will involve learning, reflecting, and processing how what we’ve experienced has affected us - in a safe and empowering space. All of the courses are delivered anonymously, within a group setting, and alongside other survivors via Telegram and WhatsApp.

  • Healing + Justice

    Re: Our Latest Conversation

    White Supremacy Culture (in Organizations)

  • Brain + Body

    Audio

    Trauma Informed Yoga Class, compliments of Zabie Yamasaki, Transcending Sexual Trauma through Yoga

  • Brain + Body

    Articles

    To Heal Trauma, Work with the Body

  • Brain + Body

    Book

    My Grandmother's Hands, Resmaa Menakem

  • Brain + Body

    Book

    Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk

  • Brain + Body

    Book

    Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma (pdf, though you may also be able to find audiobook or purchase book online)

  • Brain + Body

    Book

    The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences, Peter A. Levine

  • Brain + Body

    Tools

    Calm

  • Brain + Body

    Tools

    More free meditation apps!

  • Community Responses

    Audio

    24 - The Art of Allyship: Coming Alongside — Jacoby Ballard - conversation and perspectives around trauma and healing, including allyship, accompliceship and solidarity, what they mean and what they require.

  • Community Responses

    Research

    Does Rape Culture Predict Rape? Evidence From U.S. Newspapers, 2000–2013 - 'Rape culture has been defined as a set of values and beliefs that provide an environment conducive to rape' (Boswell and Spade 1996) and where 'rape is often not acknowledged as a crime and its victims are frequently blamed ... for their own violation' (Vogelman 1990). This study explores the impact of literature and media on the choices of victims, perpetrators and police.

  • Community Responses

    Book

    Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Judith Lewis Herman - Herman draws on her own cutting-edge research in domestic violence as well as on the vast literature of combat veterans and victims of political terror, to show the parallels between private terrors such as rape and public traumas such as terrorism. The book puts individual experience in a broader political frame, arguing that psychological trauma can be understood only in a social context.

  • Community Responses

    Video

    Step Inside the Circle - Video from the Compassion Prison Project that demonstrates the power of restorative practices, community and sharing of experiences. Step Inside the Circle is the first of a three-part PSA documentary series which explores the significant correlation between childhood trauma and the lives of the men and women who are incarcerated.

  • Community Responses

    Tools

    How We Respond to Sexual Violence Matters - A quick primer on sexual violence and how to support survivors of sexual assault.

  • Community Responses

    Tools

    Spectrum of Violence - A systematic tool developed by The Prevention Institute that promotes a range of activities for effective violence prevention.

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